i know i haven't blogged for ages coz mainly of the use of twitter. but there are some things that really cant be expressed in 140 characters.

school has started and work's beginning to pile even before i manage to settle down in school. not because i'm still in the play mood but because there's really too much changes to uni life. lessons are often unpredictable, i have to do almost 9 readings a week, no more numbers and calculations to look at, few familiar faces, wierd accents, wierd hall people, the clubbing and staying till late culture and the list goes on.

piano exam was on friday which was totally screwed. and everytime ppl ask me how is it i try to smile and say 'it's ok, i still have nx yr!' maybe tt's nature, tt's me. not liking ppl to worry about me, not liking to hear ppl say 'dont cry lah, confirm pass one!'

so after piano exam, i thought i would be able to finally settle down in school and feel less of a burden, there's individual presentation coming tues which i have nothing to write/talk abt till now. it's so stressful to be the first to present, not knowing what to say, what the reading is about, whether the projector works, how to present. all i can to is walk by faith, have confidence in God. i always try to tell myself 'don't worry! it's only 5%!' but the thought tt it's counted in final term just freaks me out.

many uncertainties still lies ahead, and i always ask God 'why not you just send me to china, spread the gospel, do sth more meaningful than reading stuff tt i dont understand, not particularly interested in?' i gotta say i still dont have any answers, i have no idea what i'm doing now, in the future. i always have this thought of changing my course, going back HK to at least do sth i'm interested in.

i wish that i can go on stage again, not because of the recognition and applause and praises and flowers i get, but because tt's what i enjoy most and tt's my dream. everytime i see joey yung, i'll always hope tt i was able to do all those. and how i can share my testimony, definitely including songs like I CAN TRUST YOU and dai ling wo. one day i'll have my own album, choreo my own dance for my song, particularly contemp where most youths aren't liking anymore. and then i can use this to go into china, base there, and spend the rest of my life serving God in china. but i know some dreams will nvr come true. and i have better things to do.

writing all these down made me feel much better. alone in the hostel room, i thought i'll cry like mad, thinking of what to do for the presentation, cracking my brains not coming out with anything, and lastly i'll end up watching video and playing games. now i'm in a calm state to focus on my presentation. pray tt i'll really come out with something.

now, there's still a use in blogging. i dont know when i'll be back here again, or anyone will read this since this blog is dead for ages and this is such a long post. but i still love you, blog!

who says discipline was easy?

i failed today

100th post. and hadn't been posting for a long time.

我不想说,不想讲. 但是一直放在心里,不知几时才有勇气说出来. 突然想起可以用这个管道把所有东西都说出来.

常跟其他人说'我不怕',但那真的是真话吗?whenever i hear anyone who've gotten their replies, i'll always ask, when am i gonna get one? what if i really dont get? what route am i gonna go? you think i really wanna go back HK to study? do i even bear to leave spore?

有时候觉得带快乐给人家真的那么重要吗? 为了不要别人担心,只好说一些自己都不知道是真还是假的话.但是始终自己都不知道自己真正在想什么.

some verses from a book i just finished reading
"For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but a spirit of power, of love and a sound mind" 2 Tim 1:7
"Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord" Psalm 27:14

ok. i shall blog probably my last post of the year as i will be flying (again) to HK tml and i may not have time for a christmas and NYE post. and since ppl are flooding my tagboard to tell me to blog, so i shall fulfill their wish.

so far, i went to melbourne and vietnam. melbourne was alright i guess. too city for me though. dint manage to find zhiyang coz of the schedule and i have no way to contact him. dance there was fantastic and brett rocks!! was quite irritated over some stuff though but felt much better now! i loved the lavender garden and strawberry farm!

after that was prom. it was alright and i shall not complain about the food coz i dint eat it since it's like all spicy. all i know is i was super tired coz i woke up at 4 plus am that morning thanks to time lag from melbourne though it's only 3 hrs earlier. took quite a lot of photos though. and i took with AK!!! HAHA!!!but i was n't wearing prom dress at that time. and I WILL NEVER BE A TAI TAI!!! maybe a wanyee style one but not a typical one...haha...

then had showcase on the nx mon. nothing really special but i think it was sort of an end to seeing the dancers almost everyday.

then was YA chalet! invited zimin and jas but they couldn't make it in the end. but over all it was fun serving the bros and sis! cutting fruits at 3 am and sleeping only at 5 plus. the chalet was quite good though lots of ants!

then met up with ph and bind the nx mon. all 3 of us went to diff countries sincce we last met! and all 3 are like totally different. haha...had a great time! and BIND! you spoilt our plan! how can you!!!!haha...jkjk...

wed i flew to vietnam. the SQ service wasn't as good though. but dec is really the month that i ever watch the most movies. so far is 5 then i guess i'll watch one more on CX on wed. haha. Hanoi was pretty messy and dusty so i wasn't really in favour of that. but the food was not bad. and they sell dog meat! OMG!!! see...not only China does this kind of stuff...iris even saw cat meat and the tour guide say they eat rabbit meat also. how disgusting. i actually so the bbq-ed or whatever way they cooked it dog which is cut into half and some places have dog heads and tails sticking out! it's even worse than live dogs which are scary enough. anw...the scenery was not bad but their temples cant beat China's and they smell different. we had a sampan ride for 2 hrs which led me to headaches coz after that was 2 hrsbus ride back to Hanoi. but that was not the worst. i went Ha Long Bay and had half a day of boat ride then 3 hrs ride back to Hanoi and then had a trishaw ride on the messy and dusty and noisy streets of Hanoi. so i felt nauseous and hadvery bad headaches which led to me eating very little for dinner which was served only at 9 spore time which means i dont normally eat a lot at this kind of time. but over all, it was quite good. i wanna go Ho Chih Minh City next.

then i'll be flying back to HK tml at arnd 6. quite excited coz all my cousins will be back this time...really missed those times when everyone were in HK and always eating dinner tgt at our grandma's hse. and i get to EAT and SHOP! yesh!!!haha...ok...that's all my activities after i end 'A's which feels like 10000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 years ago! haha...

ps. i still owe 2 farewell posts so i'll post it after i post my 100th post...haha...this is the 99th post!

i know it's time for me to blog but it's getting late so i'll blog a super long onetml or mon before i fly to melbourne. so please be patient and wait. HAHAHAHA!!!!

i'm scared. but do not worry!!!it'll be over very soon...omg...ok...byebye

不知为什么心里很不安.
还有那么—点点的时间
我真的可以做到吗?

好不容易走到这一步
为什么不要好好的走下去?
相信神!
他祝福的手—直在带领着我
他的恩典—定够我用的!