Lord, help me. help me to find my true self, my true meaning of living in this world. help me to find a reason for all that is happening. help me see what is right and what is wrong. help me see what i should be doing, what should my priority be. everytime i try to protect myself, i hurt people. and then, i ended up hurting myself again. what use is there to protect myself? thank God that i'm meeting Jia En later. at least i dont have to hide my feelings for so long. thank God for my church friends, always supportive. thanks for all the cards. crying is good. yes i know. thanks for everything CYYAM!

anyway, my mum is coming back tonight! which means i got new things!

我真的不知道为什么这些事情会发生。可能是我想太多了吧。或这些都是真的。当初为什么我选了这条路？让自己受这种苦。但至少我学会了一些做人的道理。真的要感谢神让我有一些这么支持我的朋友。无论发生什么事都会在我身边。但神是我最要好的朋友，常用最不可思议的方式来鼓励我。韵怡，记得要把一切交托给神。以后的路虽困难，但神一定会保佑我， 也要我从中学习宝贵的功课。谢谢神这些年来的照顾，我会坚强的！！！

LALALA!!!I'M CRAZY!!! ESPECIALLY AT THIS TIME!!!IN 7 HOURS IS ADMIN DAY!!!AND I'M SUPPOSED TO REACH SCHOOL IN 6 HOURS!!!AND I'M NOT SLEEPING!!!I'M WATCHING TV!!!AND JOEY AND VINCY IS GETTING THE AWARDS THEY DESERVE!!!THEY HAVE REALLY GOOD VOICES!!!HOCC ALSO!!!AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAH!!!I'M REALLY GOING CRAZY!!!I'LL GO TO SLEEP AT 2!!!AND WAKE UP AT 445!!!AND THEN MUST GIVE PEOPLE MORNING CALL!!!AND I'M STILL GOING CRAZY!!!I'VE NEVER BEEN SO HAPPY IN MY BLOG BEFORE!!!THIS IS ONE MEMORABLE POST!!!HAHA!!!I'M SERIOUSLY GOING CRAZY!!!MY MIND ISN'T FUNCTIONING PROPERLY!!!LALALA!!!AND I'M GONNA SEE DAMN LOT OF JUNIORS IN 7 HOURS TIME!!!HOW GREAT CAN THAT BE!!!AND MAK!!!GO AND ASK MY BRO FOR MY NUMBER!!!U DAMN BAD LAH!!!OK!!!I'M SERIOUSLY CRAZY!!!SCOLDING PEOPLE FOR NO PARTICULAR REASON!!!PEOPLE BETTER DON'T READ THIS!!!HAHAHHA!!!!ANYWAY, ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS MY TWO FRONT TEETH, MY TWO FRONT TEETH, MY TWO FRONT TEETH!!!YAY!!!HOCC SO COOL!!!LALALA!!!I SHALL STOP DOWN HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

confusing.super confusing. especially after JK asked me about something. maybe i'm not the only one. the past 2 months has been the most terrible months i've ever had. even if it's the holidays, even if dance was great. but my mind could never settle down, since the day the news broke. everyday, i ask myself, what will the future be like? can i ever do it well?
then came OGL camp, when JK told me about some things. i should never have doubted. maybe my feelings should never be made known. at least, if i didn't cry at that time, we'll be closer. at least, that's what i feel. or maybe i'm too engrossed in dance, forgetting about my duties as a hse comm member. maybe i'm just not meant to be in this position.
one day last month, i was looking at my hse comm badge. and i realised how much i've taken this badge for granted. the position for granted. the friends for granted. people were always by my side. be it miranda hse comm, ms lim, kevan, lois, brian or any other people. while looking at the badge, i suddenly feel a burden coming my way. i realised, sacrifice has to be made. am i ready? at least, i know i have people by my side supporting me.

ANYWAY!!!IT"S GONNA BE CHRISTMAS IN 1 HALF HOURS!!!I'M NOT GONNA BE EMO!!!HAHA!!!I'M GOING CRAZY AND I HVEN'T WRITE FINISH MY CHRISTMAS CARDS YET!!!LALALA!!!

i know i should have blogged long ago...hhaa...but oh wellz...many many things happened through the near 1 month...super busy sia

had camp...thank God for the chance of sharing my testimony...it's not as scary after all.

anyway, just confused. very confused. maybe i'm thinking too much. or maybeeverything is just real. but i'm just confused with my position. i dont know what and i just cant put it in words. maybe it's time to stop avoiding but i cant bring myself to talk about it. for 2 months, i've been asking myself, what will the next half a year be like? can i even do my job properly? but now, what is my job?

anyway, have filming tomorrow. preparing for orientation. things like this i dont even dare to tell. haiz...maybe tomorrow i can talk to someone about it. and miranda house comm, I LOVE YOU! haha...tt was utterly random.

She without arm, he without leg - ballet - Hand in Hand

we always complain how tiring dance is, and how much we wanna just stop dancing, quit dance and forget about our concert. but after watching this video, i realised how stupid my thinking was. a girl from committing suicide coz she lost an arm into this great dancer who feels so well along with the music and fighting everything in her life. a guy who was an athlete who has totally no idea what dance is. but always optimistic. just a carrying of the girl took them more than 12 hours. falling down almost everytime she got up there. what about us? we dont even dare do all the lifting. we dont even let the guy carry us coz it's itchy or afraid of heights. we take one kick as an easy task and always complaining bout wah very pain or some rubbish.

i hope this video is an inspiration to all dancers and for us to really work hard for our upcoming concert no matter what sacrifices we have to make.