不知为什么心里很不安.
还有那么—点点的时间
我真的可以做到吗?

好不容易走到这一步
为什么不要好好的走下去?
相信神!
他祝福的手—直在带领着我
他的恩典—定够我用的!

farewell-events

1. ELYSIUM dance concert 2008
it was a dream come true since sec 1 when i started dancing in school. though it was really tiring, but i was glad that all went well. i'll miss those days in the studio and all the scoldings and laughters and naggings and pain. and don't forget, ms wee saved 2 dances for us!



2. ACES day
it's just so scary to lead a dance in front of the whole school. but i was glad that it went well. from teaching the dances during PE lessons, the recording and mixing of the songs, making up names for the steps for easier memory, i'm glad it went well. and ACES should be the only thing that the whole hse comm did together.



3.Orientations
4 orientations, 4 totally different experiences. first as OGM, then OGL, then OHL, then MOHL. i wouldn't say i had fun in all, but i learnt many lessons through them.

4. cheerleadings/colosseums
it's so tiring as a cheerleader. so hard to coordinate. it's so difficult to try to make practices fun but yet serious. it was so difficult to not use the dance method of polishing, coz ppl wun know what difference it makes when angles are wrong. but i had fun overall i guess. but it was just really tiring.

5. road race
i hate the mascot race. esp the 2008 one. running from head to toe, toe to head. tired sia. but well, what can i say?

6. open house
dancing under the sun at noon for 4 times, with flu, with cramps and feeling really sleepy. it was open hse when i thought that there were ppl who really cared.

7.SYF
i miss the seniors! it's the first time ever that i feel dance is really tiring. still rmb climbing over the fence. it's really great to know these people. can't wait for the next time we dance again!!!

8.LTC
my dear ahmads!!!i really had a great time! the cheers, laughter, dragon boating, campfire, SANDCASTLE!!!, and lots more!!! i really miss these bunch of people!!!and the fun!!!

9.Pre-U Sem
really tiring and a test of my patience. but i'm glad for those who were theree for me and hearing my complaints. and this is the last event that i really enjoyed myself!

10.Melbourne trip
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btw, all the best to those taking PSLE tml!

"For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

Matthew 6:32-34

i guess God really wants me to stop worrying. results haven't been good and i have never felt so demoralised in my life before. and once again i was told that i underperform, but hello, cant you see i have improvements in ALL my subjects? you think i'm very happy with my results.i go everywhere trying to comfort ppl for their results. so? what about me? always telling ppl that i'm alright since there's improvement...so? well, if my chem get E in 'A's i'll have improvement! what so happy about that?

i dont know when i'll really not be able to take it. but i hope that day never come. i really pray that i'll really trust in theLORD and let all the negative things get out of the way so i really can concentrate. i really want a break.

please pray for me.

ps. HK trip was a great relaxer.

pss. my bday let me see the more impt things, not presents.

when you know that people have high expectations of you, you really don't want to let them down. but it has come to this point where everytime i'm told that i underperform, i really can't take it anymore. i really want to give up. i don't know how long i can last. today was really not a good day. after getting my test which i did horribly, he rubbed in the fact that i'm underperforming. i was trying really hard to hold back my tears, under all this stress. maybe i shouldn't have done so well last year. so i went toilet and cried, not wanting to let people worry. but obviously some realised but thank God they didn't ask much.

i always thought i have already overcome the high expectations of people, and not study to meet those expectations, but to glorify God. but it's getting so difficult. why is it that when we have this amazing chance to study, we can't appreciate it? it's slightly more than 2 months to the start of the end, and slightly less than 3 months to the very end. i really need prayers, and i realised how powerful prayer is today. i was relunctant to turn to God at first, buti realise He is my only refuge. then read Psalm 143 that Jia En sent. really thank God for such a caring DM.

hope tomorrow will be a better day, with more joy and less sorrows. and i really hope that for the next of the race, no onewill ever tell me that i underperform, coz i know clearly when i'm performing to my standards and when i'm not. don't increase the stress level in me.

"Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead." 2Corinthians 1:9

"Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death." 2 Corinthians 7:10

i felt emo on the bus today. i just wanted to cry at that time, but i dont know why and tears coulcn't come down. maybe i wasn't really relying on God this whole week. there is so much more time to reflect on my day now that time is mostly spent on studying. but i always give studying as an excuse for not talking to God.

visiting uncle lian qing at CGH reminded myself when i was there lying on the bed 2 years back. suddenly, a scared feelingcame to me. i'm always haunted by thoughts like what if i get hospitalised again during 'A's? and during every exam i have, the same htought pops into my mind. the fear hasn't gone. it really took me some courage to walk from A&E to the ward. i guess i really need to pray.

it hasn't been a good week. not a very God-centred week. maybe that explains my emo-ness. i'm glad i dint pon sch on tues, though i really had the intention to. and also tomorrow. it's difficult to fight with my old self, but well, Godly sorrow leaves to no regrets! so i'm gonna persevere! go wanny!

Rebecca St. James - I Can Trust You

Yes, I know that You have paved a path for me
Yes, I know that You see what I do and don’t need
But when it comes to the deepest things
I have a hard time relinquishing control
Letting go

God, it hurts to give You what I must lay down
But when I let go, freedom’s found
God, it hurts to give You what I’ve held so dear
Because of Your love it’s clear
I can trust You with this
I can trust You with me
I can trust You

Lord, I know that You are worthy of my trust
For You have shown me time and time again
You’re faithful and yet
I’m so scared of letting go of this
Afraid of what You might do with it
How could I forget who You are like this

Me forsaking
Heart is breaking
I let go of what I’ve held so tight
Freedom’s mine now
For the taking
I move in faith, not by sight
Let Your will be done

it really hurts. sometimes, i am just not willing to let go.there's still this part of me that is wanting to go back to the world. it's not just about dance enymore. i'm just not willing to letgo of my old self. but as what the song says, it's only when you let go, there's when you find freedom. but why am i being so stubborn not willing to let go, thinking that i'll get more freedom? Lord, help me to see the spiritual light. Help me to get rid of the most dancerous enemy - the darkness that causes the world to look so much more attractive.

on another note, i think ms lai rocks. her speech was like so inspirational. Dan Jansen. that was her story. she's like the best principal ever. and when she starts talking, no one dares to talk. she has the respect from like the whole school. and yet she's still so nice.after her speech, i was so inspired to become a principal like her. she just rock lah.